I be up in the gym just workin' on my fitness

About roughly a month ago, my friend Tim and I got a membership to a local gym. I've really been trying to keep up with working out because, quite frankly, I am not at all pleased with where my body is at at the moment. I've not been pleased for some time with how I've looked.

One of the things I've struggled with since middle school was my weight. Granted, it could be a LOT worse, it really could be. I wouldn't even really say I'm fat, but rather just husky... it's like there's always been this little extra weight I couldn't get rid of. I've always wanted to have a rather slender body type. I don't have to be super muscular, just toned.

But, the genetic lottery decided I was going to be on the taller and beefier side, so there it is. I can't blame it all on genetics though. Only recently have I actually been able to look back on my lack of action and food choices to see the problem.

This is just an appetizer

One of the major negatives in my diet is pop. The blasted sugar water has been such a staple in my life that it's difficult to eliminate. I've stopped drinking pop before, but never as seriously as I have recently. I try to remember all of the negative things about pop, like that there's a shit ton of sugar in each serving, the calories are empty and only make me hungrier, pop dehydrates you, and Mt. Dew, my favorite soft drink, contains BVO (Brominated vegetable oil), which is banned in 100 countries for causing a wide range of problems.

HHHNNNNNGGGGG

As far as food goes, I eat out way too much. Like, the fact that the staff of many of the restaurants I go to ask where I am when my friends go without me is alarming. I need to focus more on eating healthier home cooked meals, and when I go out, making better choices about whats on the menu. I can fortunately say that alcohol is not really a problem for me, as I am strictly a social drinker. But... when I do drink, I tend to make sure that I go home elated.

ERRYBODY IN THE CLUB GETTIN TIPSAAAAYYY

Most importantly though, I've been trying to build muscle mass to assist me in burning fat. I actually enjoy working out at the gym quite a bit. It's become something of a hobby for me, and it helps that a few of my closest friends have an interest in it too. I never was really a sport player in school, so I think my optimism comes from me making up for lost time. Also, doing a push-up for the first time is pretty fucking exciting.

My biggest issue seems to be my cardio, or lack there-of. When working with my personal trainer, only a few simple exercises rendered me breathless. I still have a long way to go, and my goal is to shed 40 pounds, which would take me to a lovely 200.

Nonetheless, I do have to pat myself on the back. I've made quite a bit of progress. I've noticed I'm not out of breath as much as I was before, giving up on pop seems to have an overall positive effect on my being, and I am getting stronger. It takes time, but it's definitely worth it. Soon, I hope to have the body I always wanted. Maybe I'll just surprise myself and get something more!

Dream Diary

I suppose my blog can also serve as a place to house the chronicles of my visits to the land of sleep. Dreams are a very important part of my life; I see them as messages needing decoded from the depths of our minds.

Where are we going tonight?

I don't always dream, but when I do they are vivid, colorful and strange. Sometimes I think that my mind is just messing with me and there is no message, but maybe I'm just not seeing it. Either way, dreams are always a way to inspire creativity and they make a great story to tell others.

So last night, I had an odd dream that my relatives and I were in a house on the eastside for a family get-together. My mother managed to catch a type of frog that was apparently a problem in the area. They reproduced quickly and had the ability to transform. When I went outside, there was a fish on the ground, and I put it in a container of water to save it.

I probably should've realized something was up by this point.

From the fishes mouth came 4 more tiny fish. My mom informed me that the fish were the frogs in disguise. We walked away for a bit but then returned to see my uncle outside. He said he was going to use the small fish as bait, but that some had escaped the container. We couldn't see the fish/frogs anywhere though.

Later that day, it began to rain, and we heard lots of commotion in the backyard. There was a large swarm of frogs in a pile in the backyard. It was raining hard by now. On the street, I could see one of the frogs transform into the Hulk, and he began bashing into the surrounding houses. When I looked back to the pile, I saw three wolves. They lunged at us, and I used a lamp to beat one to the ground. Another one knocked me down and began snarling at me.

...and then I woke up.

Usually, I can find an interpretation for most of my dreams, but this ones a stumper. I'm going to chalk it up to just being insane and call it a day. Well, it's late and I got the writing bug out of me... Time for sleep... let's see where I go tonight.

Life In The Stacks

Working in a public library is an interesting experience. I've been at it for eight years now, and while I can honestly say that I love my job, it certainly has its interesting moments.

I don't know what it is, but much like a bartender, people seem to have this insatiable urge to talk to you about their private lives in great detail. It's like they don't have any other outlet to go to, so they spill their guts to you. Sometimes it's funny, sometimes it's strange, and sometimes it's just downright horrifying.

I make this face right before I tell them to immediately see their family doctor.

I genuinely enjoy getting to know my patrons on a personal level. I think it's important to build a personal rapport with people, and to take the time to learn their names and quirks. People like that. I've made many friends at my job and have become a recognized member in my community, and that's a good feeling. I don't mind listening either, I really don't, but there are just some things that are not just up for public consumption.

But then... I consider the alternatives. At our centennial celebration, one of our regular patrons stood up in front of the crowd and told everyone how our library, and one staff member in particular, actually saved his life and kept him going. He commended us on our kindness and told us we were like no other place he'd been. We gave him a reason to go on. As the crowd applauded, I could feel the tears welling in my eyes.

I had a patron at one time who was going through a rough patch. She is a regular, and she told me how there were times when she felt like she couldn't go on. I reminded her what a special person she was, and told her that if she couldn't muster the urge to go on, what kind of message did that send the people who loved her? That told them that they shouldn't go on either. The next day, she approached me and thanked me for talking. Did I save someone's life?

It's a strange feeling. Sometimes, I wonder what I'm really in this world... a lot of the time actually. But it's those small moments when you realize the power of one... how important your presence is. Every day, we do things that we don't realize effect others, both good and bad. Can a simple compliment change someones day? Could just one more cruel action actually break someone? It's hard enough knowing your own state let alone trying to figure out everyone else's.

Everyday Superheroes

Working in a library is more than just putting books away... it's a responsibility to the community. No, the library doesn't exist to live someones life, cook them dinner, and tuck them into bed. But it does exist to check out books, answer questions, smile... and every now and then listen.

Being INFP

Anybody who knows me knows that I am pretty much obsessed with the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, and I ritually use it as a basis of understanding the people in the world around me. I myself happen to be an INFP, aka "The Dreamer" or "The Idealist".

Recently, a close friend asked me if I liked being an INFP, to which I quickly responded "No". Quite honestly, being an INFP is often a painful and lonesome experience. I described it as putting your heart on an anvil daily, waiting for people standing in a line to come smash it only for you to pick up the remnants, reassemble them into a heart again, and prepare for the morning, where more people stand with eager hammers. An exaggeration perhaps, but nonetheless relevant.

I'm just a special snowflake.

I think that the most frustrating aspect of being INFP is the ridiculously high standards that you hold others to as the byproduct of the even higher standards you hold for yourself. You try to be as caring and loving as possible, but when it comes to people, INFP's tend to go the extra mile, and when others don't, you're left disillusioned and hurt. Why can't people feel the things I do at the intensity I do?

I realize all of this makes me sound like a victim, which is not my intent. We all have our weaknesses, but being an INFP in and of itself feels like a weakness. It's hard to say no, it's hard to criticize others, it's even harder to take criticism (real or imagined), it's hard to be practical in the world and deal with harsh realities when you are always living in a dreamy daze.

If nothing else, it's an interesting experience and I feel it has helped me be a unique individual who sees the world in a different light. I've met a cornucopia of fascinating people along the way, and am blessed to have them in my life. I've learned so much from the people around me. I suppose an open mind and gentle heart are some of the benefits of being an INFP... heh, see it's not all bad!

You have no idea.

I suppose I should be happy with the way I am. Still... there's a part of me that dreams about what it would be like to see this world through another pair of eyes. I suppose that's just a part of being INFP.

First Post!

Hello all, I've decided to start my own blog. I really enjoy writing so I figured this may be a way for me to have a creative outlet. Some of you may know me, and some of you may not, but perhaps this will also be a way to learn, share my experience, and gain perspective from you too. So stay tuned, I promise I'll try to be super motivated and post a lot. :)